The Art of Chronocide
cridhe

shamecars:

Judas iscariot was truly doomed by the narrative I think we should celebrate him on good friday instead. If everything was actually preordained by god then that means he really said you know what fuck this judas guy in particular. yes I planned for him to do this, yes his fate is ultimately out of his control, and yes he’s still gonna be going to hell for it anyway

aromanticduck

badjokesbyjeff:

A man on his retirement, purchased a house situated near a high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began. One afternoon early into the first semester, three young boys came down the street, beating merrily on every bin they passed.

They did this the following day and the day’s after that, for a week, until the man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the boys as they banged their way down the street.

Stopping them, he said, “You kids are a lot of fun. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Would you do me a favor? I would give you each a dollar, if you promise to come around and do your thing.”

The boys were more than happy to accept this and continued to bang the bins.

After a few days, the man came out to meet them with a sad smile, and said, “This recession really is putting a dent in my income. From now on, I will pay you each 50 cents to continue.”

The boys were unimpressed by this, but continued to do the same afternoon activities.

A few days later, the man approached them again and said, “Look, the recession has again reduced my income, so from now on, I am afraid I can only pay you 25 cents each.”

The leader then exclaims angrily, “That’s it? If you really think we are going to waste our time banging the bins for 25 cents each, you must be a fool. No way that’s going to happen. We quit.”

The man then enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.